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11 Ways To Sabotage Your Colonoscopy

Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash
  1. Swallow an iPod Nano playing Let’s Get It Started by the Black Eyed Peas on loop, rendering any footage taken during the procedure unusable due to DMCA violations
  1. Neglect going to the practice colonoscopy beforehand
  1. Hide your cancer in your appendix, they’ll never find it there!
  1. Form a human centipede with yourself thereby blocking all ports of entry
  1. Right before the proctologist inserts the scope announce, “Annnnd…..ACTION!”
  1. Wear the wrong shoes
  1. Swallow an AirPod and have a buddy call it to ask the doc how the ‘oscopy is going
  1. Stick a can of snakes up there
  1. Ask, “Is this a you-do-me-then-I-do-you kind of a thing?”
  1. Use Deepfake technology on your butthole, meanwhile you’re sippin’ Mai Tai’s in Cabo
  1. Don’t have health insurance
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