- Swallow an iPod Nano playing Let’s Get It Started by the Black Eyed Peas on loop, rendering any footage taken during the procedure unusable due to DMCA violations
- Neglect going to the practice colonoscopy beforehand
- Hide your cancer in your appendix, they’ll never find it there!
- Form a human centipede with yourself thereby blocking all ports of entry
- Right before the proctologist inserts the scope announce, “Annnnd…..ACTION!”
- Wear the wrong shoes
- Swallow an AirPod and have a buddy call it to ask the doc how the ‘oscopy is going
- Stick a can of snakes up there
- Ask, “Is this a you-do-me-then-I-do-you kind of a thing?”
- Use Deepfake technology on your butthole, meanwhile you’re sippin’ Mai Tai’s in Cabo
- Don’t have health insurance
For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!
