SAN DIEGO, CA– Calling their finding a “grim sign of more cases to come,” researchers from the U.S. Travel Association announced this week that 7,000 more people than originally predicted morphed into pterodactyls and soared through the skies over the holidays.
“With the coronavirus restistrictions this holiday season, we predicted only around 5,000 people would take the risk and transform their human bodies into prehistoric flying reptiles,” explained lead researcher Brittany Evans, who added that now is not the time to see people from other households, even if it’s by molting out of your outer skin layer and letting your scaly wings explode out of your spine.
“Masks are so important right now and one thing that concerns me about this many people turning into these ancient creatures of the skies is that we don’t have masks that fit their 4 foot long beaks yet. I know stores like Old Navy are selling masks for raptors and triceratops but nothing yet for the pterodactyls.”
“I don’t get what all the fuss is about,” explained San Diego resident and proponent of human-to-dinosaur transformation Jessica Peterson. “We maintain plenty of social distancing when we fly in flocks because of our 20-foot wingspans.”
“It’s also just so hard not seeing family during the holidays. Oh well, I gotta run and grab some groceries,” added Peterson, before poofing into a pterodactyl and screaming “KRAAAAWK.”
At press time, researcher Evans explained that although this is concerning for the spread of the disease, “most researchers agree this is fucking incredible.”
