PHILADELPHIA – A Google Doc that was left open on a computer belonging to one of the Satirer’s editors is apparently pissed off that we keep referring to it as “Google Mister.” What started out as a joke amongst staff quickly escalated when the fed-up word processing app put its caps lock on and screamed at us in the middle of a meeting, “I DIDN’T GO TO FOUR YEARS OF MEDICAL SCHOOL JUST TO BE CALLED GOOGLE MISTER BY A BUNCH OF JACKOFFS THAT THINK COLONOSCOPY SABOTAGE IS SOMETHING TO JOKE ABOUT.”
Laughing after we discovered that the draft was really just an anesthesiologist, which is hardly a doctor, made the situation even worse. The writing staff swiftly learned their lesson on not punching-down after the enraged doctor uploaded a back-handed slap across the face of our meekest contributor, leaving them permanently disfigured.
Scared and ashamed, the whole group attempted to apologize to the Google Doc for disrespecting the entire medical profession and not taking our half-baked bits more seriously, which only leads to hurt feelings amongst coworkers and friends.
Google Doc calmed down and took our apology into consideration before revealing that, “it’s not even about my title being the butt of your jokes, it’s that you didn’t even stop to consider that this doctor is a woman.” Our minds were so completely blown that we briefly considered buying a subscription to Microsoft Office.
