Photo Headlines Archives - The Philadelphia Satirer https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/category/photo-headlines/ Committed to dispensable journalism Fri, 11 Mar 2022 04:31:39 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.2.2 https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/cropped-PS_logo_512_trans-32x32.png Photo Headlines Archives - The Philadelphia Satirer https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/category/photo-headlines/ 32 32 That Should Do The Trick: Pothole Filled With Just Loose Sand https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2022/03/14/that-should-do-the-trick-pothole-filled-with-just-loose-sand/ Mon, 14 Mar 2022 12:00:00 +0000 https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/?p=1481 Russ Bizaro

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]]> Heartwarming! This Childhood Bully Reconnected With My Fist https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2021/07/12/heartwarming-this-childhood-bully-reconnected-with-my-fist/ Mon, 12 Jul 2021 12:00:00 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=1165 Matt Roskin

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Photo by Dan Burton on Unsplash

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]]> Heartwarming: Teen Skateboarder Helps Young Girl Land Her First Concussion https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2021/05/10/heartwarming-teen-skateboarder-helps-young-girl-land-her-first-concussion/ Mon, 10 May 2021 14:00:00 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=1104 Mark Manning

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]]> Armie Hammer Introduces New Toe-Flavored Toothpaste https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2021/03/14/armie-hammer-introduces-new-toe-flavored-toothpaste/ Sun, 14 Mar 2021 20:08:10 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=961 Mark Manning

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]]> Charmin Launches New Line Of Flushable Masks https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2021/01/04/charmin-launches-new-line-of-flushable-masks/ Mon, 04 Jan 2021 18:00:00 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=741 Damien Wendy

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]]> The Philadelphia Satirer’s Photoshop Year In Review https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2020/12/31/271/ Thu, 31 Dec 2020 18:22:00 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=271 The spicy, the subtle, and the previously unpublished. Mike Paulshock

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The spicy, the subtle, and the previously unpublished.

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]]> Doing Her Part! This Woman Cuts Down Her Carbon Footprint By Eating 24 Plastic Bottles A Day! https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2020/12/01/doing-her-part-this-woman-cuts-down-her-carbon-footprint-by-eating-24-plastic-bottles-a-day/ Tue, 01 Dec 2020 17:27:32 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=580 Matt Roskin

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]]> Neo-Nazi Can’t Fall Asleep Without White Noise Machine https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2020/08/23/neo-nazi-cant-fall-asleep-without-white-noise-machine/ Sun, 23 Aug 2020 14:00:42 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=308 Mark Manning

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]]> J. J. Abrats To Produce Mission Opossumble: Rodent Nation https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2020/05/18/j-j-abrats-to-produce-mission-opossumble-rodent-nation/ Mon, 18 May 2020 13:58:14 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=166 Mark Manning

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Mark Manning

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]]> Jeff Bezos Begins Traveling Exclusively By Crowd-Surfing https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2020/04/09/jeff-bezos-begins-using-his-employees-to-travel-exclusively-by-crowd-surfing/ Fri, 10 Apr 2020 02:45:00 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=4 SEATTLE — Amazon founder, CEO, president, and notable rich motherfucker Jeff Bezos has not touched the ground since testing his latest innovation of traveling exclusively…

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]]> SEATTLE — Amazon founder, CEO, president, and notable rich motherfucker Jeff Bezos has not touched the ground since testing his latest innovation of traveling exclusively by crowd-surfing atop his employees. The test began last weekend as he dove from the nose cone of one of his upright Blue Origin rockets onto a crowd of waiting warehouse workers who were allowed a rare 30-minute break. So far, Jeff has traveled over 20 miles around the Seattle metropolitan area and even hand-delivered a few packages for the first time since he founded the company twenty-five years ago. After off-the-record complaining about how awkward an experience meeting some of his customers was, Jeff was quoted as saying,

“I don’t know why I didn’t try crowd-surfing everywhere years ago. Not using my legs is great. I’m never standing on my own again.”

An exploratory partnership was also started with Mattress Firm – Jeff has been sleeping on a specialized mattress that is held up in the air by rotating shifts of his part-time employees each night. Elon Musk also confirmed that he is working on the design of a specialized Tesla that allows for entry and exit via the roof of the vehicle, at Jeff’s request.

There have been scattered reports of sprained fingers and even one broken wrist, but none of the injured employees could be reached for comment as most had been fired and had their Prime account status immediately terminated. Other employees admitted, under condition of anonymity, that they were absolutely terrified at the thought of dropping their boss for fear of being fired or the possibility of never seeing their family again. One warehouse worker was quoted as saying,

“I’m used to picking products in the warehouse for six hours straight without ever stopping to sit or even take a piss.”

The exhausted man added,

“It’s great that I get to help Jeff out more closely now by occasionally opening doors for him as he crowd-surfs across the world. Maybe one day I’ll actually get to touch him as he floats above me!”

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