PHILADELPHIA – The cheesesteak who was forced into a nonconsensual photo-op aboard Air Force One last week has announced that he is in self-quarantine after being exposed to an unmasked Donald Trump. “He breathed all over me even if he doesn’t have COVID the hot noxious swill that touched me born from his lungs has made me inedible for at least 14 days,” said the steak. “After this, I’m going to be thrown into a freezer until it is safe for someone to eat me.” When pressed the cheesesteak wished that Trump took the photo-op a step further and actually consumed him to put him out of his misery. “However,” added the cheesesteak. “That wouldn’t have worked because I’m actually a photo grade cheesesteak, the kind that they use in movies or commercials. So they wouldn’t let him put ketchup on me because it’s against union regulations. He threw a tantrum about the ketchup and I was whisked from the plane seconds after the photo was taken.” At press time President Trump had gotten wind of the Cheesesteak’s ketchup allegations and addressed it with a tweet: “Fake News! One of the worst cheesesteaks I’ve ever eaten and I’ve had some bad ones!”
