Traffic court can be a crazy place. Which one of these rookie mistakes did you make your first time?
- When the judge asked me to plead, I said “Please daddy”
- I wore a shirt that said “The ‘L’ in Law stands for Loser”
- I sneezed really hard, knocking the glasses off of the judge’s face to reveal that he was actually beautiful all along
- I forgot to give the prosecution a tender, loving kiss on the forehead
- I pointed to the statue of Lady Justice and said “kinky”
- I wore wheelies and rolled in and out of the courtroom
- I asked the bailiff if we could trade guns, and he immediately tackled me
- I attempted to pay the fine with Dogecoin
- In an effort to make sure the cop couldn’t show up to my trial, I placed a banana peel at the foot of his car so that he’d comically slip and fall. Also I slashed his tires just in case.
- I neglected to study for and pass the bar exam in order to properly prepare for my trial
- Thinking I’d be publicly executed for my crimes, I wrote a last will and testament, giving all of my worldly possessions to the Department of Homeland Security
- I asked for a trial by combat, and brought my own sword, but it was one of those little cocktail swords, and I was promptly informed that only regulation rapiers are allowed
How many have you done?
0-4: What are you, a cop? You’ve only made a handful of these very common mistakes? Liar.
5-8: You could be doing a little better, but you also could be doing a little worse. You’re at a healthy medium, like the amount of frosting in a “Double Stuf” Oreo, which is actually slightly less than double the normal amount, and should serve as the base amount of frosting in Oreos, while a real “Double Stuf” should be twice the stuff of what is now a “Double Stuf.”
9-12: Jesus Christ man. Did you even try? People like you are the reason the United States Justice system is broken. No other reason. Just you. Be better.
