PHILADELPHIA – Starting out as a wacky and whimsical Halloween night in Rittenhouse Square, detectives from the Philadelphia Homicide Unit spotted a spooky skeleton that turned out to be just a regular dead corpse. “When we first walked up, I got all excited because I love Halloween and spooky skeletons really get me feeling like a kid again! But no, it was just a regular old rotting human body. Then as we got closer, I also thought I spotted an adorable jack o’lantern, but much to my disappointment, it turned out to be the streetlight shining through the holes on this dead body’s rotted face,” said lead forensic anthropologist Frank Bullion. “Then we thought we saw one of those fun spider web decorations people stretch across their bushes, but aw shucks, it just turned out to be this corpse’s small intestine exploded across the shrubs. When we finally decided to leave, we stepped on what appeared to be a big bowl of Almond Joy candy bars– Yummy! My favorite! But just our luck, it’s a pile of this guy’s toes that were probably chopped off mid-murder.” For much of the investigation, the detectives were following the scent of a delicious pumpkin pie that smelled like it was resting on a window sill to cool down, but it was just the smell of the cadaver expelling really old gasses. As they walked back to the station, they thought they saw a really cute kid in a devil costume, but that was just the Antichrist.
