{"id":948,"date":"2021-03-10T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-03-10T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=948"},"modified":"2021-03-10T00:32:45","modified_gmt":"2021-03-10T05:32:45","slug":"11-ways-to-sabotage-your-colonoscopy","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/03\/10\/11-ways-to-sabotage-your-colonoscopy\/","title":{"rendered":"11 Ways To Sabotage Your Colonoscopy"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
Photo by Usman Yousaf<\/a> on Unsplash<\/a>\n <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n
  1. Swallow an iPod Nano playing Let’s Get It Started<\/em> by the Black Eyed Peas on loop, rendering any footage taken during the procedure unusable due to DMCA violations<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
    1. Neglect going to the practice colonoscopy beforehand<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
      1. Hide your cancer in your appendix, they’ll never find it there!<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
        1. Form a human centipede with yourself thereby blocking all ports of entry<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
          1. Right before the proctologist inserts the scope announce, “Annnnd…..ACTION!”<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
            1. Wear the wrong shoes<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
              1. Swallow an AirPod and have a buddy call it to ask the doc how the ‘oscopy is going<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
                1. Stick a can of snakes up there<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
                  1. Ask, “Is this a you-do-me-then-I-do-you kind of a thing?”<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
                    1. Use Deepfake technology on your butthole, meanwhile you’re sippin’ Mai Tai’s in Cabo<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
                      1. Don’t have health insurance<\/li><\/ol>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

                        Neglect going to the practice colonoscopy beforehand<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":949,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[275,49,50,274],"yoast_head":"\n11 Ways To Sabotage Your Colonoscopy - The Philadelphia Satirer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/03\/10\/11-ways-to-sabotage-your-colonoscopy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"11 Ways To Sabotage Your Colonoscopy - The Philadelphia Satirer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Neglect going to the practice colonoscopy beforehand\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/03\/10\/11-ways-to-sabotage-your-colonoscopy\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Philadelphia Satirer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/philadelphiasatirer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/philadelphiasatirer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2021-03-10T13:00:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2021-03-10T05:32:45+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/03\/usman-yousaf-4fo0gcw76so-unsplash-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1451\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Staff\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@philasatirer\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@philasatirer\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/03\/10\/11-ways-to-sabotage-your-colonoscopy\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/03\/10\/11-ways-to-sabotage-your-colonoscopy\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Staff\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/#\/schema\/person\/748e872ce3e51510dcfa728a077205ab\"},\"headline\":\"11 Ways To Sabotage Your Colonoscopy\",\"datePublished\":\"2021-03-10T13:00:00+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2021-03-10T05:32:45+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/03\/10\/11-ways-to-sabotage-your-colonoscopy\/\"},\"wordCount\":139,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Colonoscopy\",\"List\",\"Listicle\",\"Sabotage\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Lists\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/03\/10\/11-ways-to-sabotage-your-colonoscopy\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/03\/10\/11-ways-to-sabotage-your-colonoscopy\/\",\"name\":\"11 Ways To Sabotage Your Colonoscopy - 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