{"id":808,"date":"2021-01-29T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-01-29T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=808"},"modified":"2021-01-28T23:07:50","modified_gmt":"2021-01-29T04:07:50","slug":"see-how-many-arctic-splashes-you-can-buy-with-this-philly-style-stimulus-check-calculator","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/01\/29\/see-how-many-arctic-splashes-you-can-buy-with-this-philly-style-stimulus-check-calculator\/","title":{"rendered":"See How Many Arctic Splashes You Can Buy With This Philly-Style Stimulus Check Calculator"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<figure class=\"wp-block-image size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"800\" height=\"450\" src=\"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/arctic-splash-edited.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-811\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/arctic-splash-edited.jpg 800w, https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/arctic-splash-edited-300x169.jpg 300w, https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/arctic-splash-edited-768x432.jpg 768w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 800px) 100vw, 800px\" \/><\/figure>\n\n\n\n<p>PHILADELPHIA- Don\u2019t spend it all in one place! A new Philly-based stimulus check calculator aims to demonstrate just how far your sweet, American fortune can go. A Satirer staffer who wishes to remain anonymous reported, \u201cI\u2019m just glad I don\u2019t live in New York.\u201d Another boasted, \u201cI paid my rent. From June. Not sure what I\u2019m supposed to do for all the other months.\u201d For those still undecided on how they will spend their stimulus check, this new calculator will advise you.&nbsp; All you have to do is enter your birth chart info (astrology is really \u201cin\u201d right now). The list below offers a glimpse of how you can expect to spend your scraps.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ol><li><strong>&nbsp;City Wide Specials<\/strong>: Your stimulus check can provide you with roughly 120 shot-and-beer combos. If you work from home, this will give you some extra pep for your Zoom meetings. If you\u2019re unemployed, an essential worker, or a water sign, this will help kick your depression into high gear.&nbsp;&nbsp;<\/li><li><strong>Arctic Splash Iced Tea: <\/strong>Your stimulus check can lavish you with approximately 402 Arctic Splashes. Medical experts do not recommend this drink to anyone who is diabetic, pre-diabetic, post-diabetic, or a Taurus.<\/li><li><strong>PPA Parking tickets: <\/strong>Your stimulus check can only pay for about 10 parking tickets, so accrue them wisely.&nbsp;Ask a Capricorn for help budgeting.<\/li><li><strong>SEPTA base fare: <\/strong>Your stimulus check will get you 240 rides on SEPTA. You&#8217;ll still have to walk 10 blocks to your actual destination though. If you need more than one transfer, you&#8217;ll have to pay extra for that&#8211; this ain&#8217;t New York, dickhead.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n<p>If the human race survives, Philadelphians might be looking at a second stimulus&#8211; that\u2019s 933 more Arctic Splashes.&nbsp;What a time to barely be hanging onto life!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>PHILADELPHIA- Don\u2019t spend it all in one place! A new Philly-based stimulus check calculator aims to demonstrate just how far your sweet, American fortune can&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":17,"featured_media":811,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[28,94,67,9],"tags":[225,224,226,223],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.12 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>See How Many Arctic Splashes You Can Buy With This Philly-Style Stimulus Check Calculator - The Philadelphia Satirer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/01\/29\/see-how-many-arctic-splashes-you-can-buy-with-this-philly-style-stimulus-check-calculator\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"See How Many Arctic Splashes You Can Buy With This Philly-Style Stimulus Check Calculator - The Philadelphia Satirer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"PHILADELPHIA- Don\u2019t spend it all in one place! 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