{"id":763,"date":"2021-01-15T16:36:09","date_gmt":"2021-01-15T21:36:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=763"},"modified":"2021-01-17T16:52:11","modified_gmt":"2021-01-17T21:52:11","slug":"researchers-find-u-s-exceeded-holiday-travel-predictions-with-7000-more-people-morphing-into-pterodactyls-and-soaring-through-the-skies","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/01\/15\/researchers-find-u-s-exceeded-holiday-travel-predictions-with-7000-more-people-morphing-into-pterodactyls-and-soaring-through-the-skies\/","title":{"rendered":"Researchers Find U.S. Exceeded Holiday Travel Predictions With 7,000 More People Morphing Into Pterodactyls And Soaring Through The Skies"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/ptero_2_v3.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-765\" width=\"650\" height=\"403\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/ptero_2_v3.jpg 650w, https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/01\/ptero_2_v3-300x186.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 650px) 100vw, 650px\" \/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>SAN DIEGO, CA&#8211; Calling their finding a \u201cgrim sign of more cases to come,\u201d researchers from the U.S. Travel Association announced this week that 7,000 more people than originally predicted morphed into pterodactyls and soared through the skies over the holidays.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cWith the coronavirus restistrictions this holiday season, we predicted only around 5,000 people would take the risk and transform their human bodies into prehistoric flying reptiles,\u201d explained lead researcher Brittany Evans, who added that now is not the time to see people from other households, even if it\u2019s by molting out of your outer skin layer and letting your scaly wings explode out of your spine.&nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cMasks are so important right now and one thing that concerns me about this many people turning into these ancient creatures of the skies is that we don\u2019t have masks that fit their 4 foot long beaks yet. I know stores like Old Navy are selling masks for raptors and triceratops but nothing yet for the pterodactyls.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cI don\u2019t get what all the fuss is about,\u201d explained San Diego resident and proponent of human-to-dinosaur transformation Jessica Peterson. \u201cWe maintain plenty of social distancing when we fly in flocks because of our 20-foot wingspans.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" src=\"https:\/\/lh6.googleusercontent.com\/dyql46SS_jnEwwiLAFbOJI-VoZFB2-EqZCNo4ZCvWiQWY4dSd_jccCyiINIGzmVyex6nCjcuUhoZ2E6AXjwDuD5Jr4bMCnsoDx4ZQh0O1KrtESSTRP7UpL1N1ylAED-rFuf1SiZR\" alt=\"\" width=\"600\" height=\"367\"\/><figcaption>San Diego resident Jessica Peterson getting ready to visit her parents for Hanukkah<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s also just so hard not seeing family during the holidays. Oh well, I gotta run and grab some groceries,\u201d added Peterson, before poofing into a pterodactyl and screaming \u201cKRAAAAWK.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>At press time, researcher Evans explained that although this is concerning for the spread of the disease, \u201cmost researchers agree this is fucking incredible.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>SAN DIEGO, CA&#8211; Calling their finding a \u201cgrim sign of more cases to come,\u201d researchers from the U.S. Travel Association announced this week that 7,000&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":765,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9,136],"tags":[19,210,212,209,211],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.12 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Researchers Find U.S. Exceeded Holiday Travel Predictions With 7,000 More People Morphing Into Pterodactyls And Soaring Through The Skies - 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