{"id":519,"date":"2020-11-02T22:58:07","date_gmt":"2020-11-03T03:58:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=519"},"modified":"2020-11-02T22:58:15","modified_gmt":"2020-11-03T03:58:15","slug":"flyers-reveal-they-were-gritties-in-human-suits-this-whole-time","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/11\/02\/flyers-reveal-they-were-gritties-in-human-suits-this-whole-time\/","title":{"rendered":"Flyers Reveal They Were Gritties in Human Suits This Whole Time"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"aligncenter size-large\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" width=\"768\" height=\"512\" src=\"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/giroux.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-522\" srcset=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/giroux.jpg 768w, https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/11\/giroux-300x200.jpg 300w\" sizes=\"(max-width: 768px) 100vw, 768px\" \/><figcaption>Photoshop by Mike Paulshock <\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>PHILADELPHIA &#8211; The Philadelphia Flyers held a press conference Sunday night to reveal that every single player on the team is a giant orange muppet-gone-wrong masquerading as a human person.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cIt\u2019s time the fans knew the truth,\u201d said right wing Jakub Voracek, who tore off his flesh mask and explained that his luxurious ginger beard was actually just a result of the disguise not fitting over his Gritty fuzz.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>\u201cYou really think a human man could grow this?\u201d he asked local sports reporter Ben Spark, causing him to faint.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Captain Claude Giroux explained that the team debuted the mascot version of themselves in 2018 to see how fans would react to the second weirdest-looking orange creature in the\u00a0mid-Atlantic region after the current occupant of the White House.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Despite the overwhelming support, the players didn\u2019t feel ready to come out as their true selves until nearly two years later.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>The Philadelphia Phillies have announced they would also hold a press conference to address rumors that they are all Phanatics in response to a leaked photo of shirtless right fielder Bryce Harper sporting vivid green chest hair.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>PHILADELPHIA &#8211; The Philadelphia Flyers held a press conference Sunday night to reveal that every single player on the team is a giant orange muppet-gone-wrong&#8230;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":522,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[94,3],"tags":[149,151],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v20.12 - 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