{"id":445,"date":"2020-10-18T12:07:04","date_gmt":"2020-10-18T16:07:04","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=445"},"modified":"2020-10-18T23:24:24","modified_gmt":"2020-10-19T03:24:24","slug":"cdc-asks-americans-to-stop-running-through-sneeze-mist-like-sprinklers-on-a-hot-summer-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/18\/cdc-asks-americans-to-stop-running-through-sneeze-mist-like-sprinklers-on-a-hot-summer-day\/","title":{"rendered":"CDC Asks Americans To Stop Running Through Sneeze Mist Like Sprinklers On A Hot Summer Day"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Brian Judd CDC Public Health Image library ID 11162<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

ATLANTA \u2014 Asserting yet again that COVID-19 spreads primarily through respiratory droplets, the CDC begged Americans to stop sneezing up into the air so their friends could run through high-speed snot drizzle like a broken fire hydrant\u2019s spray on a humid summer day in the city. \u201cLook, arguing with a Trader Joe\u2019s employee about having to wear your mask the whole time you\u2019re shopping is one thing but this shit is extra dumb,\u201d explained CDC Director Dr. Robert Redfield, before threatening that he\u2019ll flood the Internet – even the porn sites, if he has too – with boring public service announcements if the trend doesn\u2019t stop immediately. \u201cCan\u2019t you goofs just go back to selling essential oils instead of pretending to be a mucus diffuser? I mean goddamn.\u201d After the press conference, the CDC immediately started another public relations campaign to warn Americans about the dangers of performing anilingus on strangers because \u201cyou all just can\u2019t keep your fluids to yourself, can you?\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

ATLANTA \u2014 Asserting yet again that COVID-19 spreads primarily through respiratory droplets, the CDC begged Americans to stop sneezing up into the air so their…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":446,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[9],"tags":[118,19,117,120,119],"yoast_head":"\nCDC Asks Americans To Stop Running Through Sneeze Mist Like Sprinklers On A Hot Summer Day - The Philadelphia Satirer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/18\/cdc-asks-americans-to-stop-running-through-sneeze-mist-like-sprinklers-on-a-hot-summer-day\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"CDC Asks Americans To Stop Running Through Sneeze Mist Like Sprinklers On A Hot Summer Day - 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