{"id":431,"date":"2020-10-12T23:05:15","date_gmt":"2020-10-13T03:05:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=431"},"modified":"2020-10-12T23:05:17","modified_gmt":"2020-10-13T03:05:17","slug":"incredible-this-salad-dressing-bottle-is-squeezable","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/12\/incredible-this-salad-dressing-bottle-is-squeezable\/","title":{"rendered":"Incredible: This Salad Dressing Bottle Is Squeezable"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
“Kraft Salad Dressing, Ranch Varieties 9\/2014, by Mike Mozart of TheToyChannel and JeepersMedia on YouTube #Kraft #Salad #Dressing #Ranch” by JeepersMedia is licensed under CC BY 2.0<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

In what is shaping up to be a life-changing revelation, it turns out that salad dressing you are about to pour all over your two-day-old take out is, in fact, squeezable!\u00a0Yes, you read that right, don\u2019t waste anymore time violently shaking and aggressively banging that bottle. Just put that salad dressing in your grubby little mitts and give it a good hard squeeze.\u00a0Now your microwaved leftovers are swimming in the good stuff, and look, you didn\u2019t even break a sweat.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is that a high-pressured nozzle too?\u00a0You bet your stained shirt it is! Whether you\u2019re in dire need of drenching your pizza in ranch or smothering your chicken fingers in honey mustard, you\u2019ll always hit your target, even if you can\u2019t be bothered to pay attention to where you\u2019re aiming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look, eating is about catatonic efficiency, and your salad dressing gets that.\u00a0Finally you can stuff your face while watching a thirteenth consecutive episode of Love Island<\/em> without having to savor a single moment of the experience.\u00a0Hell, with all this extra time on your hands, maybe you\u2019ll even wind up squeezing some of that salad dressing on a salad!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In what is shaping up to be a life-changing revelation, it turns out that salad dressing you are about to pour all over your two-day-old…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":8,"featured_media":432,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[28],"tags":[113,112,110,111,114],"yoast_head":"\nIncredible: This Salad Dressing Bottle Is Squeezable - The Philadelphia Satirer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/12\/incredible-this-salad-dressing-bottle-is-squeezable\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Incredible: This Salad Dressing Bottle Is Squeezable - The Philadelphia Satirer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"In what is shaping up to be a life-changing revelation, it turns out that salad dressing you are about to pour all over your two-day-old…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/12\/incredible-this-salad-dressing-bottle-is-squeezable\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Philadelphia Satirer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/philadelphiasatirer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-10-13T03:05:15+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-10-13T03:05:17+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/15198057725_20df31f4d1_k.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2048\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1181\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Zachary Decker\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@philasatirer\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@philasatirer\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/12\/incredible-this-salad-dressing-bottle-is-squeezable\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/12\/incredible-this-salad-dressing-bottle-is-squeezable\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Zachary Decker\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/#\/schema\/person\/60f3b8157200292e399e1de9c95f6032\"},\"headline\":\"Incredible: This Salad Dressing Bottle Is Squeezable\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-10-13T03:05:15+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-10-13T03:05:17+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/12\/incredible-this-salad-dressing-bottle-is-squeezable\/\"},\"wordCount\":231,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Bottle\",\"Dressing\",\"Incredible\",\"Salad\",\"Squeezable\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Local\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/12\/incredible-this-salad-dressing-bottle-is-squeezable\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/10\/12\/incredible-this-salad-dressing-bottle-is-squeezable\/\",\"name\":\"Incredible: This Salad Dressing Bottle Is Squeezable - 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