{"id":350,"date":"2020-09-03T11:55:35","date_gmt":"2020-09-03T15:55:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=350"},"modified":"2020-09-04T15:35:02","modified_gmt":"2020-09-04T19:35:02","slug":"harvard-legacy-student-accidentally-buys-textbooks-instead-of-cocaine","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/09\/03\/harvard-legacy-student-accidentally-buys-textbooks-instead-of-cocaine\/","title":{"rendered":"Harvard Legacy Student Accidentally Buys Textbooks Instead Of Cocaine"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
Photo by Christian Erfurt<\/a> on Unsplash<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

CAMBRIDGE, MA – \u201cOh fuck, what did I get into last night?\u201d stammered freshman Brayden Colby Lunsford as he woke up next to an unexpected lump under his bedsheets. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tearing off the covers, Lunsford quickly discovered an unfamiliar stack of books. \u201cOh no, what did I study last night? I needed a kilo to get me through the semester, not\u2026\u201d he muttered as he examined the cover. \u201cNot Women\u2019s Voices Feminist Visions: Classic and Contemporary Readings<\/em>? What? How did this get here?\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lunsford sat on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands to mentally retrace his steps. \u201cOk so I meant to go <\/strong>to the rager at Delta Sig, but the last thing I remember was leaving ECON 201 around 7 p.m. with Trey and then we walked to the…oh my god! We went to the library to study!\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Frantically, Lunsford moved to his desk to open his laptop. \u201cI started a study guide? But it\u2019s still syllabus week. That\u2019s the last time I hang out with Trey, man. I completely spaced on the party.\u201d Lunsford ruffled through his discarded chinos to find a receipt from the campus bookstore, timestamped at 9:52 p.m. \u201cGoddamnit, I needed that money to hook the Delta Sig guys up with some more blow. How am I going to explain to Father I need more money when it\u2019s just the first week of classes?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lunsford opened his internet browser to google \u201cways to make money fast\u201d but instead found himself reading an article on Headspace.com about the benefits of being in a flow state. As he developed a deeper understanding of how being immersed in a challenging task one enjoys can warp one\u2019s perception of time, he wondered aloud, \u201cI still don\u2019t understand what went wrong last night. Better make an appointment with a librarian to find a good book that can help me learn more about this flow state.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cOh god – what am I doing? I need to work out, shower, and then go to that dayger with Stacie!\u201d Lunsford exclaimed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Desperate to feel cooler before getting ready, Lunsford started cutting out the middle of Understanding Our Universe <\/em>to hide his dwindling drug supply until he accidentally started reading and contemplating his place in the cosmos.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

CAMBRIDGE, MA – \u201cOh fuck, what did I get into last night?\u201d stammered freshman Brayden Colby Lunsford as he woke up next to an unexpected…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":358,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[5],"tags":[74,76,73,77],"yoast_head":"\nHarvard Legacy Student Accidentally Buys Textbooks Instead Of Cocaine - The Philadelphia Satirer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/09\/03\/harvard-legacy-student-accidentally-buys-textbooks-instead-of-cocaine\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Harvard Legacy Student Accidentally Buys Textbooks Instead Of Cocaine - The Philadelphia Satirer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"CAMBRIDGE, MA – \u201cOh fuck, what did I get into last night?\u201d stammered freshman Brayden Colby Lunsford as he woke up next to an unexpected…\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/09\/03\/harvard-legacy-student-accidentally-buys-textbooks-instead-of-cocaine\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Philadelphia Satirer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/philadelphiasatirer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-09-03T15:55:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-09-04T19:35:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/09\/christian-erfurt-sxQz2VfoFBE-unsplash-2.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2396\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1198\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Mark Manning\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@thotfulremarks\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@philasatirer\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/09\/03\/harvard-legacy-student-accidentally-buys-textbooks-instead-of-cocaine\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/09\/03\/harvard-legacy-student-accidentally-buys-textbooks-instead-of-cocaine\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Mark Manning\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/#\/schema\/person\/8399ba66e818913bd664d701abe1899e\"},\"headline\":\"Harvard Legacy Student Accidentally Buys Textbooks Instead Of Cocaine\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-09-03T15:55:35+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-09-04T19:35:02+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/09\/03\/harvard-legacy-student-accidentally-buys-textbooks-instead-of-cocaine\/\"},\"wordCount\":403,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"College\",\"Drugs\",\"Harvard\",\"Satire\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Pop Culture\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/09\/03\/harvard-legacy-student-accidentally-buys-textbooks-instead-of-cocaine\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/09\/03\/harvard-legacy-student-accidentally-buys-textbooks-instead-of-cocaine\/\",\"name\":\"Harvard Legacy Student Accidentally Buys Textbooks Instead Of Cocaine - 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