{"id":336,"date":"2020-08-27T08:19:35","date_gmt":"2020-08-27T12:19:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=336"},"modified":"2020-08-27T08:19:36","modified_gmt":"2020-08-27T12:19:36","slug":"ways-to-keep-your-faith-when-its-obvious-god-doesnt-exist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/08\/27\/ways-to-keep-your-faith-when-its-obvious-god-doesnt-exist\/","title":{"rendered":"Ways To Keep Your Faith When It’s Obvious God Doesn’t Exist"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\"\"
Photo by Garon Piceli from Pexels<\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Download DuoLingo and learn their newest course, “How to Speak in Tongues.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Start all of your work emails with “Dear Heavenly Father” from here on out.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Don’t pay your taxes- just like a real church.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Listen to \u201cFaith\u201d by George Michael on repeat. Congratulations, He is now your God. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Buy DMT from the Dark Web. You will see Gods you never knew existed. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Step away from anal and go back to missionary for a while. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Masturbate in public to be sure someone’s still always watching.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Find a big ol’ pipe organ and let it rip baby!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ask your doctor if Prozac is right for you.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Download DuoLingo and learn their newest course, “How to Speak in Tongues.”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":337,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[2],"tags":[69,68,49,50],"yoast_head":"\nWays To Keep Your Faith When It's Obvious God Doesn't Exist - The Philadelphia Satirer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/08\/27\/ways-to-keep-your-faith-when-its-obvious-god-doesnt-exist\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Ways To Keep Your Faith When It's Obvious God Doesn't Exist - The Philadelphia Satirer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Download DuoLingo and learn their newest course, "How to Speak in Tongues."\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/08\/27\/ways-to-keep-your-faith-when-its-obvious-god-doesnt-exist\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"The Philadelphia Satirer\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/philadelphiasatirer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:author\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/philadelphiasatirer\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-08-27T12:19:35+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-08-27T12:19:36+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/pexels-garon-piceli-576926-scaled.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"2560\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"1707\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Staff\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@philasatirer\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@philasatirer\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/08\/27\/ways-to-keep-your-faith-when-its-obvious-god-doesnt-exist\/#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/08\/27\/ways-to-keep-your-faith-when-its-obvious-god-doesnt-exist\/\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Staff\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/#\/schema\/person\/748e872ce3e51510dcfa728a077205ab\"},\"headline\":\"Ways To Keep Your Faith When It’s Obvious God Doesn’t Exist\",\"datePublished\":\"2020-08-27T12:19:35+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2020-08-27T12:19:36+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/08\/27\/ways-to-keep-your-faith-when-its-obvious-god-doesnt-exist\/\"},\"wordCount\":129,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/#organization\"},\"keywords\":[\"Faith\",\"God\",\"List\",\"Listicle\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Lists\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/08\/27\/ways-to-keep-your-faith-when-its-obvious-god-doesnt-exist\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/08\/27\/ways-to-keep-your-faith-when-its-obvious-god-doesnt-exist\/\",\"name\":\"Ways To Keep Your Faith When It's Obvious God Doesn't Exist - 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