{"id":243,"date":"2020-07-12T20:43:25","date_gmt":"2020-07-13T00:43:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=243"},"modified":"2020-07-12T20:43:26","modified_gmt":"2020-07-13T00:43:26","slug":"child-sommelier-suggests-pairing-strawberry-kiwi-juice-box-with-corn-dog","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/07\/12\/child-sommelier-suggests-pairing-strawberry-kiwi-juice-box-with-corn-dog\/","title":{"rendered":"Child Sommelier Suggests Pairing Strawberry-Kiwi Juice Box With Corn Dog"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Photoshop by Mike Paulshock<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n

LAGUNA BEACH, CA – Recently certified child sommelier Nathan Roberts debuted at Oceanside Elementary earlier this week as part of the school district\u2019s plan to enhance school lunches. \u201cNow your palette leans chocolate-y, yes? So I\u2019m going to go bold and recommend the tacos paired with Country Time Lemonade. Our ground beef is locally sourced and this order has more of a malty palate than usual. We also have home brewed sparkling lemonade if powder-sourced beverages aren\u2019t suitable,\u201d Roberts advised Helena Prughe. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

As the first-grade lunch rush wound down, Roberts explained that school roles like line leader or safety patrol never suited his passions. \u201cThankfully my family vacations on the south of France, so I picked up the certificate this past July.\u201d He leaned in and whispered, \u201cYou didn\u2019t hear it from me, but they can\u2019t make a good grape juice to save their life over there.\u201d As the second graders filed in, Roberts approached Ms. Nguyen\u2019s class table. \u201cNow, Elizabeth, I know the metallic aftertaste of the Capri Suns bothers you, so our head chef concocted a house blend with notes of strawberry and kiwi that pair best with our 100% Kosher boutique corn dogs. The kindergarteners all left with rave reviews on their bright red lips.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Returning to class to avoid the rowdy fifth graders, Roberts sidestepped over Prughe\u2019s lemonade-scented vomit while muttering, \u201creminds me of France.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently certified child sommelier Nathan Roberts debuted at Oceanside Elementary earlier this week as part of the school district\u2019s plan to enhance school lunches.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":244,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[28],"tags":[29,31,34,33,30,32],"yoast_head":"\nChild Sommelier Suggests Pairing Strawberry-Kiwi Juice Box With Corn Dog - The Philadelphia Satirer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2020\/07\/12\/child-sommelier-suggests-pairing-strawberry-kiwi-juice-box-with-corn-dog\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Child Sommelier Suggests Pairing Strawberry-Kiwi Juice Box With Corn Dog - 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