{"id":1337,"date":"2021-11-12T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-11-12T13:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/?p=1337"},"modified":"2021-11-04T19:18:06","modified_gmt":"2021-11-04T23:18:06","slug":"coffee-shop-customer-mistakenly-asks-career-criminal-to-guard-laptop-during-restroom-visit","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/11\/12\/coffee-shop-customer-mistakenly-asks-career-criminal-to-guard-laptop-during-restroom-visit\/","title":{"rendered":"Coffee Shop Customer Mistakenly Asks Career Criminal To Guard Laptop During Restroom Visit"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Photo by Bao Tran<\/a> on Unsplash<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

PHILADELPHIA– Zach Jones, a regular customer at Ultimo Coffee, was the recent victim of a theft after he entrusted his Macbook Pro with a fellow patron who turned out to be a serial laptop bandit. The heist occurred when Jones was forced to interrupt his screenwriting session due to his rapid ingestion of a 32-oz cold brew latte. Jones promptly closed his Twitter feed and made preparations for a restroom interlude but was hesitant to fully dismantle his work station. \u201cMy table was right by a wall outlet,\u201d he explained to reporters at the scene. \u201cThat\u2019s prime real estate!\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Jones attributed his \u201cprudent nature\u201d as being behind the decision to enlist a fellow customer to protect his property during his absence. When asked why he felt comfortable trusting a stranger with a $2400 computer, Jones pointed out that he actually knew this man fairly well after several exchanges of \u201cfriendly eye contact\u201d that had occurred in the eighteen minutes since he had sat down. \u201cPlus this guy already had a laptop,\u201d Jones added. \u201cI didn\u2019t think people stole things if they already had one of their own.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The loss has been devastating for Jones, who now faces the prospect of having to rewrite his screenplay from the beginning. \u201cI poured my heart and soul into that script,\u201d he said of his lost work, which reportedly consisted of a working title and the first scene heading.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PHILADELPHIA– Zach Jones, a regular customer at Ultimo Coffee, was the recent victim of a theft after he entrusted his Macbook Pro with a fellow…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":21,"featured_media":1339,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[28,8],"tags":[411,410,412],"yoast_head":"\nCoffee Shop Customer Mistakenly Asks Career Criminal To Guard Laptop During Restroom Visit - The Philadelphia Satirer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/11\/12\/coffee-shop-customer-mistakenly-asks-career-criminal-to-guard-laptop-during-restroom-visit\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Coffee Shop Customer Mistakenly Asks Career Criminal To Guard Laptop During Restroom Visit - 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