{"id":1210,"date":"2021-08-25T08:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-08-25T12:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/philadelphiasatirer.com\/?p=1210"},"modified":"2021-08-24T20:25:32","modified_gmt":"2021-08-25T00:25:32","slug":"breaking-above-ground-pool-wouldnt-really-want-to-swim-in-itself-either","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/08\/25\/breaking-above-ground-pool-wouldnt-really-want-to-swim-in-itself-either\/","title":{"rendered":"Breaking: Above-Ground Pool Wouldn\u2019t Really Want To Swim In Itself Either"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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Image by David Gardner<\/a> from Pixabay<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n

PHILADELPHIA– With another hot, sticky summer well underway, many above-ground swimming pools in our region are going unused. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t really want to swim in myself either, we are probably the saddest place you could ever swim,\u201d bemoaned an above-ground pool located in Northeast Philadelphia. When asked if that is really true in a city where folks choose to swim in dumpsters, the pool responded, \u201cSwimming in dumpsters is edgy and dangerous because you could catch something. All you’re gonna catch in me is an earache if you’re lucky.\u201d The pool couldn\u2019t really grasp the concept that people would rather swim it than a dumpster and its shitty self-deprecating attitude was driving people away. When told this, the pool responded, \u201cYou sound like the guys from Queer Eye. They showed up to give me a makeover and teach me to how to make avocado toast but left because they said I was a drag to be around.\u201d The interview ended when a newly fledged bird began drowning in the pool, and when we tried to rescue it the pool screamed, \u201cHe\u2019s mine! He\u2019s my blood sacrifice.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

PHILADELPHIA– With another hot, sticky summer well underway, many above-ground swimming pools in our region are going unused. \u201cI wouldn\u2019t really want to swim in…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1212,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":[],"categories":[28,136],"tags":[368,369,367],"yoast_head":"\nBreaking: Above-Ground Pool Wouldn\u2019t Really Want To Swim In Itself Either - The Philadelphia Satirer<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/thephiladelphiasatirer.com\/2021\/08\/25\/breaking-above-ground-pool-wouldnt-really-want-to-swim-in-itself-either\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Breaking: Above-Ground Pool Wouldn\u2019t Really Want To Swim In Itself Either - 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