LANCASTER, PA– Scientists at The National Center For Turkey Improvement have been working at a breakneck pace to ensure that millions of Americans will be able to break wishbones with loved ones in a safe and socially distanced manner this Thanksgiving. “In the late winter when covid hit our shores and social distancing measures went into effect, the first thing I thought was, ‘Oh my God, how are we gonna break wishbones if we have to remain six feet apart at Thanksgiving?’ ” said David Pavo, chief scientist at The NCFTI. Pavo detailed how the staff put down other projects, such as developing turkeys with extra drumsticks, to get to work on this project right away. “At first we were trying to change the narrative. I felt like we had gotten away from what breaking of the wishbones was intended to mean. Early humans thought you were accessing the magical powers of the bird by breaking it and I wanted to tap into that.” Pavo and his team attempted to develop wishbones that were infused with the intelligence to perform basic illusions but ran into trouble when several humans were injured during trials. “After we failed at that, I realized that the answer was simple. All that we had to do was inject the poults (baby turkeys) with dinosaur DNA to make them larger so their bones could be broken at a safe distance.” The center has raised over two million super-sized turkeys which consumers can purchase for $18,000 each.

Damien Wendy

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