1. Swallow an iPod Nano playing Let’s Get It Started by the Black Eyed Peas on loop, rendering any footage taken during the procedure unusable due to DMCA violations

2. Neglect going to the practice colonoscopy beforehand

3. Hide your cancer in your appendix, they’ll never find it there!

4. Form a human centipede with yourself thereby blocking all ports of entry

5. Right before the proctologist inserts the scope announce, “Annnnd…..ACTION!”

6. Wear the wrong shoes

7. Swallow an AirPod and have a buddy call it to ask the doc how the ‘oscopy is going

8. Stick a can of snakes up there

9. Ask, “Is this a you-do-me-then-I-do-you kind of a thing?”

10. Use Deepfake technology on your butthole, meanwhile you’re sippin’ Mai Tai’s in Cabo

11. Don’t have health insurance

Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

thephiladelphiasatirer.com

The post 11 Ways To Sabotage Your Colonoscopy appeared first on The Philadelphia Satirer.