SIOUX FALLS, SD– Expressing gratitude for health care workers who were not so quick to the draw when the pandemic started, the entire U.S. populace reportedly thanked all second responders, who would’ve been there sooner but they had a thing. “It’s important we recognize those who, without a moment’s hesitation, sprung into action after they did that thing they’ve been meaning to do for a while but hadn’t found a good time for it until now,” said 37-year-old Milwaukee resident Henry Becker, echoing the thoughts of millions of Americans who are celebrating health care personnel who eventually got around to helping out. “We are all truly grateful for all of the frontline workers whose first response to the largest public health crisis of our lifetime was to grab their keys, drive to the hospital, and march right into the ICU to ask their supervisor for an additional two weeks off since that thing they had to do was taking longer than expected. There is nothing more heroic than prioritizing the health and safety of others above all else bar whatever you have going on.” At press time, no second responders were available for comment as they all cited a nondescript family emergency.

Jeff Braun

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