Polls Archives - The Philadelphia Satirer https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/tag/polls/ Committed to dispensable journalism Mon, 12 Apr 2021 05:09:18 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.2.2 https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/cropped-PS_logo_512_trans-32x32.png Polls Archives - The Philadelphia Satirer https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/tag/polls/ 32 32 Exit Polls Indicate Majority Of Americans Found The Exits https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2020/11/03/exit-polls-indicate-majority-of-americans-found-the-exits/ Tue, 03 Nov 2020 17:00:00 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=508 PHILADELPHIA- Exit polls being conducted during today’s general election are indicating that the majority of Americans who have entered polling places have been able to…

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“Governor Votes Early” by MDGovpics is licensed under CC BY 2.0

PHILADELPHIA- Exit polls being conducted during today’s general election are indicating that the majority of Americans who have entered polling places have been able to escape from them. “Early data is showing that we are polling and releasing far more voters than 2016, when one in ten Americans became trapped in their polling places for up to forty-five days,” said pollster Margery Numeros. “Many of the voters are in their old elementary school and think they know their way out and take a wrong turn,” explained Numeros, recalling a confused Texas voter who emerged in 2016 sporting an enormous beard and a “Bob Dole for President” button.

Texas courts have struck down a provision for Voter Rescue Workers to hold the hands of individual voters for the entire time that they are in a polling place which may lead to even more lost voters.

Numeros asked voters to pay attention to the route they took into a polling place and advised against following anyone who says, “I know these halls like the back of my hand.”

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