Several other eyewitnesses gathered to posit theories as to why the gentleman was urinating on the side of a building. “I never saw that guy around here before. I think he was new to the area and just trying to mark his territory,” said Miss Bea, the block captain. 

During Miss Bea’s interview, people started yelling that the urinator was emerging from an apartment rental office across the street. He fled on foot but The Satirer was able to catch up to him when he stopped to pee again. The young man, who wished to not be identified, explained that he was on his way to see an apartment and had drunk too much coffee with breakfast that morning. 

At press time, the urinator was seen shaking hands with his new neighbors.

Damien Wendy

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