Calling all activists: 

The city is in dire need of help with its main bell, known to some as “the Liberty Bell.” We are asking people to sign this petition to raise awareness of what appears to be a massive crack that has formed. We’re not sure if any of the city’s leaders are yet aware of the damage, or if we’re the first people to notice, so please sign here so we can let the mayor know as soon as possible. Time is of the essence with these things.

I first noticed it when I was in the line to see the bell and I can’t be sure, but I think it got bigger as I was standing there. Based on my quick analysis, it’s definitely a fresh crack so it must’ve happened within the past week or so. My theory is that a group of teens did it as a way to commit vandalism. But they weren’t too smart because they left their names engraved on the back. So if anyone knows the whereabouts of the “Pass and Stow” gang, please reach out.

When I pointed out this new crack to the staff, several of the tour guides tried to tell me the bell’s crack has been there since February of 1846, but don’t believe them because it’s obviously a lie. There’s no way the city would leave such an important national treasure in total disrepair for this long. Do you think New York City would leave the Statue of Liberty up if its beautiful copper-brown exterior turned green in the rain? Absolutely not. Philly needs to get its act together. Just the other day I saw a tattered American flag that only had 13 stars on it. The last time I checked, the flag had 48! We have an image to hold up as a country.

You know what, I just had a totally unique idea. What if instead of fixing it, we leave the crack as it is and embrace it as a symbol for American resilience. But on the other hand it kinda looks like dog shit. 

Sign today and make your voices heard! We already have 1 signature.

Russ Bizaro

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