PHILADELPHIA– A new auditor’s report conducted at Big Fat Large Company reveals that employees working within the Human Resources department do absolutely nothing during working hours, reaching just about everyone’s expectations for what they are capable of. 

“The report was ordered after hearing multiple serious allegations that members of our HR team have not actually been working during work hours–or any hours for that matter,” the CEO shared in a pre-recorded Zoom meeting that was later leaked on TikTok. “Even worse, when I arrived at the department to discuss the matter, I was shocked to find that googly-eyed cardboard cutouts had replaced their cold-blooded bodies at each of their cubicles,” he further shared with the rest of the unsurprised company. 

The report has been sent to Big Fat Large Company’s parent company, Super Big Fat Large Inc., for further investigation however it is unlikely anything will change because, well, who wants to get HR involved in anything anyways? When pressed for comment by the Satirer, Big Fat Large Company disclosed that the auditor’s report was originally issued by its own HR department.

Isabella Quiros

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