Can this man catch a break? 

Todd Cruz (34) from Seattle, WA has had a tough go of late. Todd used to have an awesome name. The kids all called him “Tom Cruise” back in elementary school. He was the king of the goddamn playground. Kids those days really ignored all that scientology stuff too, I guess it didn’t matter to a bunch of children.

But now things are different. When a barista yells out, “One oat milk latte for Todd Cruz,” instead of images of the dashing movie star, they think of the grotesque U.S. Senator Ted Cruz. Todd told the Satirer, “I’m just a normal guy. I work in marketing at a small firm here in Seattle. I haven’t even been to Texas. But anytime I go to a Chipotle, the employees spit in my food. The other customers heard my name and spit on me as well. I’ve also been receiving hate mail for the last couple years, but it’s really picked up. I even got one from my mom. She told me to ‘get bent you fat piece of human feces.’ That one stung the most.”

The only nice part of this big misunderstanding is Todd Cruz got an automatic upgrade to first class on his flight to Cancun.

Matt Roskin

The post Heartbreaking: This Man’s Name Is Todd Cruz appeared first on The Philadelphia Satirer.