PHILADELPHIA– Defending his statements even though no one said anything about it, neighbor Steve Hilford clarified on Wednesday that although he finds one of the local dogs handsome, it’s not in a sexual way. “I think he’s just so cute, but not in that way,” explained Hilford, adding that although the dog has beautiful eyes, he wouldn’t want to gaze into them over dinner at his favorite restaurant. “He’s got really healthy looking teeth, but that doesn’t mean I’d want to kiss him while we watch Netflix or anything. And even though he has the most adorable paws, I would never imagine sliding a ring onto one of them after getting down on one knee and saying, ‘Bingo, will you marry me?’ “ Hilford added that although he is man’s best friend, he can’t see them becoming more than that. When asked for comment, the dog said, “sorry pal but I don’t swing that way.”

Russ Bizaro

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