Download DuoLingo and learn their newest course, “How to Speak in Tongues.”

Start all of your work emails with “Dear Heavenly Father” from here on out.

Don’t pay your taxes- just like a real church.

Listen to “Faith” by George Michael on repeat. Congratulations, He is now your God. 

Buy DMT from the Dark Web. You will see Gods you never knew existed. 

Step away from anal and go back to missionary for a while. 

Masturbate in public to be sure someone’s still always watching.

Find a big ol’ pipe organ and let it rip baby!

Ask your doctor if Prozac is right for you.

Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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