You won’t let them walk around Old City yelling “Wow, so old!”

They’re scared of the dark.

Philadelphia has been rated PG-13 by the Motion Picture Association of America and they just don’t feel like they are mature enough yet to handle that.

They’re worried their Cowboys face tattoo will not be received well.

They grew up in Philly.

“I could just FaceTime you instead.”

Their mom said no.

Because of the goddamn fucking pandemic, stop making this about you Jesus Christ, man!

Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

thephiladelphiasatirer.com

The post Reasons Your Friend Doesn’t Want To Visit You In Philly appeared first on The Philadelphia Satirer.

PHILADELPHIA– Drastically overestimating the strength of his relationship with friend Vihaan Agarwal, sources confirmed Thursday that Fishtown resident Nathan Parks had way overplayed his hand by sending a link to a twenty three minute long YouTube video. “I saw this video the other day and thought it might be up your alley,” Parks wrote in his message, oblivious to how undeserving he is of a mere three minutes of Agarwal’s spare time, let alone twenty three. “Let me know when you finish the video, I’ll pass along an article that goes along with it. If you’re not too busy tomorrow would love to discuss.” At press time, Parks had facetimed Agarwal twice to no response.

Jeff Braun

The post Friend Way Overplays Hand By Sending Link To Twenty Three Minute Long YouTube Video appeared first on The Philadelphia Satirer.