Fairmount Park Archives - The Philadelphia Satirer https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/tag/fairmount-park/ Committed to dispensable journalism Wed, 09 Dec 2020 16:51:32 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.2.2 https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/cropped-PS_logo_512_trans-32x32.png Fairmount Park Archives - The Philadelphia Satirer https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/tag/fairmount-park/ 32 32 Pros And Cons Of Releasing A Colony Of Monkeys In Fairmount Park https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2020/12/08/pros-and-cons-of-releasing-a-colony-of-monkeys-in-fairmount-park/ Tue, 08 Dec 2020 17:30:00 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=622 Pro: It’ll become easier to release your pet monkey into the wild. Con: It’ll take business away from the historic Philadelphia Zoo. Pro: It’ll take…

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Pro: It’ll become easier to release your pet monkey into the wild.

Con: It’ll take business away from the historic Philadelphia Zoo.

Pro: It’ll take business away from the inhumane Philadelphia Zoo.

Con: They would probably not be the monkeys that went into outer space.

Pro: Monkeys might play bocce ball with you.

Con: They have hair all over their bodies, so it’s hard to tell which part’s their head.

Pro: Monkeys have thumbs, so they might make decent disc golf players.

Con: They might be too good and that’s no fun.

Pro: Monkeys look awesome when climbing and swinging and stuff.

Con: They’ll rip your face off your head.

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