So, you’ve been dating him for a few weeks and that big day is so soon– and you have no clue what to give him or even if he has siblings! Listening isn’t exactly your strong suit.

Valentine’s Day is a special day to celebrate your feelings for him and show him you care, but what if you barely know anything about him? Don’t worry, below we have a great gift guide for that man you really know nothing about, but can’t wait to spend V-day with!

An Extremely Large Gift Card to Staples

Everyone loves paper supplies and now your man can get whatever he wants for 500 dollars or less! You know he, um, goes to work somewhere, so you assume he needs some office supplies for that. A practical gift that will show you care about his career and have lots of extra trust fund money to burn.

A Truck

He doesn’t exactly drive, but that doesn’t mean he won’t learn. Plus, you think it’s hot when a man drives! Hopefully if he learns how to drive the truck, he’ll start going shirtless, wearing cutoffs, and looking like a hunky farmer from a Danielle Steele novel and you’ll finally be attracted to him. Also you have so much money so it’ll barely make a dent in your bank account.

A Swing Band that Plays for him at his Place of Work

You’re not exactly sure where that is…but the whole band can just, like, follow him there and then serenade him for the day. You’re also not really sure if he actually likes swing, but it’s so upbeat and generic, who wouldn’t enjoy a little accompaniment!

Socks Made out of Gold

Getting socks for your man is so lame! But if they’re gold, that’s super stylish and in vogue! He’ll have a hard time wearing sneakers on top of them and he could get some foot rashes, but it’ll be so worth it because his trendsetting will be through the roof and all your rich friends will be so impressed.

A Coal Burning Pizza Oven

He likes pizza, right?? Most guys do… This coal burning pizza oven is imported from Italy and can be easily inserted into the wall of his Brooklyn rental studio for an authentic pizza making experience. Who wants to Seamless when you can make your own pizza with lots of real live burning coals and manly fire that hopefully will not at all upset his landlord?

Valentine’s Day gifts can be nerve-wracking, but as long as you throw some money down, he’s sure to love it! Just remember, the bigger and more generic, the better!

Catherine Weingarten

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