PHILADELPHIA– The majority of humans often wonder what their pets are thinking, but with a breakthrough technology developed at the University of Pennsylvania we don’t have to wonder anymore. “The technology involves a small magical top hat for the pet to wear which is connected to a computer,” detailed researcher Herman Munger. After the test subject, a cat named Marcel, was trained to not hate wearing the hat, he wore it as he went about his daily activities. “The majority of Marcel’s thoughts involved wondering why his owners couldn’t see the interdimensional beings passing through their home and keeping his privates clean for inspection by said interdimensional beings. He also expressed deep disgust at the lack of time his owners spent cleaning their own privates. Marcel believes he used to see his owners clean each-other’s privates, but he hasn’t seen that in a while,” remarked Munger. At press time, Marcel was feeling rather proud about how clean he had gotten his backside and wanted everyone to take a look.

Damien Wendy

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