Looking for something fun to do this weekend that’s Covid-safe and involves staying at home and never ever leaving? Look no further than this helpful list that’ll hit all the best things you can do within your own home that also involve crying, because what else is there to do now?

1. Meditate While Crying: Now that life has become one perpetual panic attack, alleviate some of that stress with a relaxing guided meditation that hopefully stretches all of Saturday so you don’t have to worry about why you lightly coughed yesterday while watching Gossip Girl.

2. Watch a Sad Movie While Crying: You could try to watch something heartwarming, or you could just bite the bullet and watch something wildly depressing because you were going to be wildly crying on your couch anyway, why not just own it? Our picks for the weekend include Schindler’s List, A Walk to Remember or that fun new cancer movie on Hulu– get the tissue boxes ready!

3. Take a Scenic Walk Around your Living Room While Crying: Instead of going outside and risking a rando coughing on you, enjoy a beautiful walk around your living room. Take a glance at the family photo of you wearing braces and pushing your sister or the sparkly pillow from your mom that says “Wine Now, Not Wine Later!” Then swing by your grandpa’s urn and get ready for the waterworks.

4. Water Your Plant With Your Own Tears Because you Hate Your Life: Even though everything around you including your dreams are falling apart, you still got to tend to your plant! But does anyone even care anymore if you tend to him, does anyone!? Good thing you’ve been crying nonstop so you can water your plant with your own tears and broken dreams of traveling around Europe on an adorable bicycle.

5. Organize a Card Game in Your Living Room While Crying: Putting together an Apples to Apples game can be really fun but maybe less so when the only people in your household are your mom, your dad, and your Uncle Bo with the weird mustache. Try not to cry too hard when Bo puts down “My Life Choices” as a match for “Sad” or when your mom says she regrets marrying your dad after all this time together.

Have a great weekend and don’t forget all the exciting things you can do around your house that are way more fun than seeing actual human people and having a social life!

Catherine Weingarten

The post The Best Things To Do This Weekend At Home That All Involve Crying appeared first on The Philadelphia Satirer.