animal crackers Archives - The Philadelphia Satirer https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/tag/animal-crackers/ Committed to dispensable journalism Fri, 05 Feb 2021 03:30:12 +0000 en-US hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=6.2.2 https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/cropped-PS_logo_512_trans-32x32.png animal crackers Archives - The Philadelphia Satirer https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/tag/animal-crackers/ 32 32 Animal Crackers Working With Gushers To Develop More Realistic Snack https://thephiladelphiasatirer.com/2021/02/15/animal-crackers-working-with-gushers-to-develop-more-realistic-snack/ Mon, 15 Feb 2021 13:00:00 +0000 https://philadelphiasatirer.com/?p=837 PHILADELPHIA– Calling their innovation “a breakthrough in modern snacking,” food scientists from Nabisco announced Monday that they are working with the manufacturers of Gushers on…

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PHILADELPHIA– Calling their innovation “a breakthrough in modern snacking,” food scientists from Nabisco announced Monday that they are working with the manufacturers of Gushers on more realistic animal crackers. “We know what children want, and it’s authenticity,” explained Nabisco CEO Phillip Dramaton, who went on to say that children will finally be able to experience that happy feeling you get from decapitating a tiny giraffe in one bite. “This amazing snack has everything. That perfect animal shape, a delicious beige cracker taste, and a realistic explosion of animal innards in your mouth.” When asked what the new insides are made from, Dramaton replied, “The same as Gushers, real animal bits.”

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