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Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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In accordance with 54 Pa.C.S. § 311(g) (FindLaw), this post is an advertisement that an Application for Registration of Fictitious Name was electronically filed via PennFile with the Pennsylvania Department of State Bureau of Corporations and Charitable Organizations on Friday, October 15th, 2021 for the following Fictitious Name:

Fictitious Name: THE PHILADELPHIA SATIRER
Address: 855 N UBER ST UNIT A, PHILADELPHIA, PA 19130
Interested Parties:
1. ERIC OCALLAGHAN, PO BOX 3246, PHILADELPHIA, PA 19130

As we take steps to improve The Philadelphia Satirer, we remain committed to dispensable journalism.

Thank you so very much for reading!

Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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They asked you to make dirt bike noises during sex.

They don’t have kids but go to Disney World every year.

They farted while having sex with your dad.

They drink Mountain Dew after the age of 15.

They said “Joe Rogan is really smart.”

They believe in horoscopes.

They’re not me AYE-YO!!

They’re a Leo.

You are dead.

Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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Market/Frankford Lime

Septa Splash

Vegan Cherry

Fresh Air

Corn Syrup

Cough Drop

American Cheese

Scrapple Dapple Do

Brake Fluid

Sand

Carlos Santana

Boneless Skinless Chicken Breast

Combination Pizza Hut/Taco Bell

Water

Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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You won’t let them walk around Old City yelling “Wow, so old!”

They’re scared of the dark.

Philadelphia has been rated PG-13 by the Motion Picture Association of America and they just don’t feel like they are mature enough yet to handle that.

They’re worried their Cowboys face tattoo will not be received well.

They grew up in Philly.

“I could just FaceTime you instead.”

Their mom said no.

Because of the goddamn fucking pandemic, stop making this about you Jesus Christ, man!

Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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1. Swallow an iPod Nano playing Let’s Get It Started by the Black Eyed Peas on loop, rendering any footage taken during the procedure unusable due to DMCA violations

2. Neglect going to the practice colonoscopy beforehand

3. Hide your cancer in your appendix, they’ll never find it there!

4. Form a human centipede with yourself thereby blocking all ports of entry

5. Right before the proctologist inserts the scope announce, “Annnnd…..ACTION!”

6. Wear the wrong shoes

7. Swallow an AirPod and have a buddy call it to ask the doc how the ‘oscopy is going

8. Stick a can of snakes up there

9. Ask, “Is this a you-do-me-then-I-do-you kind of a thing?”

10. Use Deepfake technology on your butthole, meanwhile you’re sippin’ Mai Tai’s in Cabo

11. Don’t have health insurance

Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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Gaslight scented candle

Podcasting mic

A Reddit premium account

Cryptocurrency For Dummies

A job at Barstool Sports

An inspirational poster that says “I know you are, but what am I?”

A Chrome extension that adds “Well, actually” before any reply on a woman’s post

Coupons for a liquor store teenagers hang out in front of

Urethra wide mouth nozzle to spray urine on the toilet seat

Binoculars

A kick in the groin

Staff

For when all of us write something or we’re too cowardly to put a name on an article. Hey, we’d like to be employed by whatever soulless corporation did a Google search to make sure we’re not a moron! Now you won’t know which one of us is the moron and you have to hire whoever applied!

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